How to Judge Character

Here are a few ideas on how to judge character. We all use some of these, albeit often instinctively without much thought about the process. You might even be alarmed to see some of these issues in yourself. Of course it’s useful to analyze oneself as well as others for self improvement purposes, but these behaviors exist as a continuum between minor and severe so I wouldn’t get all depressed. None of us are perfect.

1. Look at who they marry or partner with

Human relationships are tremendously complex, but a few minutes making small talk with the spouse of a work peer, supervisor, new friend, or even an executive secretary can yield valuable insights. It can illuminate what the person thinks of themselves, who they will settle for, and what they expect in life.

In my case, just out of flight school, I figured out quickly that it was more interesting to talk to the wives at the weekly squadron parties than swapping yet more flying stories with the same 27 pilots that I worked with every day. The spouses brought a lot more diversity to the conversations and definitely didn’t want to talk flying. For good or bad I soon realized that this was a good way to get a better reading on my squadron mates. When I became a manager after my military service I started the practice of hosting a party for my employees and their spouses. It was very illuminating. That worked so well that when we moved to a new house Holly and I hosted a welcome party for all of our new neighbors. It helped at least a little bit to discover what kind of people we would be living next to.

2. See how they treat service workers

People reveal their true nature when dealing with those who have little power. They feel immune and free of consequences, so they sometimes let their true self emerge.

I seldom hired anyone without taking them to lunch and it proved to be extremely illuminating. I had an arrangement with the owner of a Chinese restaurant that worked to perfection. I would call him in advance to set things up. The job applicant would be served the wrong dish on purpose so that I could watch their reaction. I always paid the restaurant owner for an extra meal plus a big tip. He was a good guy and he loved being in on it. I always received good service at that restaurant even when it was just a run of the mill lunch.

If the applicant didn’t react I would ask if they received what they ordered. The response was always interesting and it told me a lot. Those who reacted in an abusive manner were never ever hired. It’s best to treat everyone from the janitor to executive secretaries with utmost respect for a whole bunch of reasons and I had good reasons to avoid adding obnoxious staff members who might throw their weight around. I was often hired to turn around a division that was performing poorly, sometimes due to incompetent leadership, and other times due to corruption. I required a staff that could gain cooperation while they pursued leads, so they needed to be diplomatic and non-threatening while also refusing to be evaded. It was tricky business.

At my last job I often went to lunch with a peer and the experience was generally positive but there was something I could not put my finger on that put me off socializing more than just dining out with him. One day I found out what it was. While riding in his car he said “watch this”. There was a clown on the sidewalk twirling an advertising sign. My cohort stuck his arm out the window and gave him the finger. The clown went volcanic and progressed through a repertoire of obscene gestures. My friend cackled with glee. I was appalled at both of them. Obviously he had done this before. I had just discovered an ugly side to his character and it resulted in a loss of trust.

3. Discover what experiences formed their character early in life

With human behavior being so complicated this is a hard one to get at and it can take a bit of time. I first became aware of this idea early in my business career as the result of an interview with a female CEO that had a reputation for being a dragon lady. Well, sure, she was a CEO in a male dominated industry. She had to be tough, but also no one would have blinked if a male behaved in the same manner. Our interview went well but she only asked questions about my early years. By the end of the interview we were getting along great but then the hammer fell. She told me I was really good, but too good for the position. She didn’t expect that I would stick around for long. Then she invited me to meet her in Portland for lunch after her downtown meeting. I fell all over myself getting there. During lunch I asked why she only focused on my early life and not my job skills. She replied that a persons basic character is set in the first two decades so she was trying to get at that. She left the evaluation of professional skills to qualified people in the organization. She was more concerned with populating a company with employees of high character.

At the time I wasn’t too sure about the 20 year thing but as time went by I decided she was mostly correct. My subsequent experience matches up well with this idea. I got a large dose of this early on having been the squadron legal officer in the Navy. There were a lot of screwed up people in the Navy, and it was always the same ones getting into trouble. Digging into their background with them it was clear they had been in trouble most of their life. Then working as a turn-around specialist for companies needing to fix poorly performing cost accounting departments I really got into the nuts and bolts of managing marginal employees. Every situation was unique but in the end it supports character being set early on.

However it’s not always external experiences that can damage youngsters. There are plenty of examples of adopted children turning out horrible compared to their natural born siblings. One of my sisters adopted a child and an uncle adopted two and all three spent time in prison while their siblings grew up to be well behaved adults. Unsurprisingly all three had plenty of difficulties in their early years, so the idea holds up.

4. Do they cheat at small things?

If they cheat at small things, they will cheat at big things. They make terrible business partners. Trust me, I speak from experience. I had three of them one after the other where I did not put enough weight on these little transgressions and I paid the price. Of course more tolerance can be given to casual friends simply because the risks are less. However it still pays to watch out for the small things so that the big things take care of themselves. Be alert for little deceptions like nudging a golfball with a foot, small cheats at card games, and small innocuous lies whose purpose is to manipulate others to do something they were not inclined to do. It’s indicative of larger character issues.

One of the worst examples is how an acquaintance openly bragged about trolling several people using a fictitious social media username to the point they went volcanic and his account was repeatedly suspended. He chortles about how he gets the other side so wound up. Can anything he says be trusted?

5. How do they handle unexpected problems?

As mentioned above in the restaurant test, it’s a cautionary signal if the applicant over-reacts. Or if a person blows up and gets into an angry confrontation in public because of some difficulty. At one of my first jobs I inherited a clerk that would fly into a rage over trivialities and throw manuals, staplers, and chairs at people. Yes, chairs! And she had been behaving this way for the seven years before I entered the scene. Office functioning improved dramatically when she was replaced by a very competent, stable and pleasant person.

The U.S. Navy was the ultimate in providing unexpected problems. Naval flight school was an endlessly escalating parade of challenges thrown at you to see if you would have a melt down. They wanted to know if you could perform under duress and not put their multimillion dollar flying machinery into unnecessary risk. I hated the year and a half of stress testing, but in the end it meant I could trust my mates in challenging conditions. There are not many situations where one can completely rely on others like one can in a carrier based flight squadron. I think a surgery team and a football team would be good civilian equivalents.

6. Can they listen?

Finding a person that is a really good listener is an uncommon event and they are often highly effective because of it. They posses superior awareness and comprehension because they are not caught up in trying to promote their own viewpoint. Group decision making can excel as a result. The world could use more of them.

We have all experienced that frustrating conversation where the other person interrupts before we have even completed a sentence. Often repeatedly. If the behavior continues in a social setting I find myself drifting away or worse, just avoiding the person all together. However in a work setting this can have serious ramifications and completely destroy teamwork. I suspect that in the worst cases this behavior is driven by some underlying mental illness like ADD or autism. There’s probably not much a normal person can do to improve the interaction but react with compassion. I wish I was more adept at identifying the marginal cases sooner in order to avoid unnecessary friction.

Summary

The diversity of human behavior is incredibly complex. There are many signals that something is not right. Like the person that constantly makes promises than seldom come about. Or the person that is constantly late and shows up with great fanfare and grinds the event to a temporary halt. We have all seen it. If I listed everything to watch out for, this would have to expand into a book. Hopefully I have pointed out a thing or two that you weren’t previously aware of.